You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
