Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
