The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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