member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
