Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
