Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
