i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have aggressive nipples.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I had to cum in my sink.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
