i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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