I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
