Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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