You're completely useless in the revolution.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
