i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
