Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
