I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
