In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
