awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
