His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
