dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
