I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
