he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
