Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
