my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
