I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
