If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
