sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
