Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
