Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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