At least make sure they are 18
Why
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
