I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
