So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
