I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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