**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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