you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
