toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
