The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
