i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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