The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
