I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
