My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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