Pants 0. Shit 1.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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