I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
