Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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