Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
