Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
