I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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