you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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