1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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