Got a toothbrush?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
