Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
