Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
