So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
